Today my baby turned 5. I know I know she's still a baby, but she's not. She is a very independent little girl, who knows how to use her voice. I have had flash backs all day. How is it possible that just yesterday we were celebrating her baby shower, and now we are celebrating her 5th birthday. I said Abby are you going to take a bite out of you're cake, and she looked me in the eye and said no we are not doing that. I'm like OK!
To be honest today was kind of a blur. It went by so fast that I don't remember half the day. I just know I just know I am tired. I also feel like I am waiting for my anxiety to kick in, it just never does. That's the peace I was talking about the other day. I sometimes feel like my heart is going to explode. I see my dad and I just want take his pain away. It's not easy to see him struggling so much, and I brace myself for the moment that should be coming. I brace myself for that anxiety attack I'm supposed to be having... but I just feel peace. I am not in control of anything around me, but its ok. Don't get me wrong I have my moments where I cry and I plead to God for something... anything, but that I can't breath I cant move. My minds a mess and I cant even see pain isn't there. I am not some who runs to his feet because I'm struggling. I am someone who has remained there for years and years in the good and in the bad.
You guys. I know I have appointments coming up and I still can't find my agenda!!!This year I am focused on taking care of me as much as possible. I started with the dentist, and I know I have my second appointment coming up, and its important to me, because I need to redirect some focus on myself. I really hope they call to confirm... lol. Tomorrow I am spending the whole morning at the hospital, but Wednesday I am washing... 6 people is a lot of laundry and once a week isn't working for me. So I have to try to get in more than once a week, but for now that's what it will be... Why Wednesdays you ask... because where I go from a certain time to a certain time you get free soap... Obviously it's the cheapest one, but it saves me money, and I use it for things like socks and blankets towels. I have one load of the "good brand" but everything else … LOL life of a mommy on a budget. Love you guys!! I will talk to you tomorrow.
